Disclaimer: The content of this blog post does not constitute professional advice on any subject matter. This is a satire. Do not follow any of the 12 tips from this article unless you want to make a fool of yourself. Have fun!
Facebook marketing is awesome, it gets great results. You know it, everyone knows it.
But do you really know how to get the attention you deserve, drive waves of traffic to your websites or affiliate pages and make tons of money?
Here are 12 magic ways used only by the most experienced Facebook gurus…
1. Once someone has accepted your friend request, post a “thank you for the add” on his timeline. Plus a nice ad and the link to the latest amazing biz opp you promote.
2. Don’t bother liking and/or sharing any of your friends’ posts. That’s a waste of your time and time is money. Don’t forget that you’re the expert! Or the-soon-to-be-expert, it’s the same thing. Your friends must like your posts, not vice-versa. And if they don’t do it, move on. They’re just some freebie seekers or unresponsive leads who don’t deserve your attention anyway.
3. Post many ads on your timeline. If possible, post the same ad every hour. Marketing research shows that off the web an ad has to be seen about 20 times before someone acts on it. On the Internet it’s about 7-9 times. Conclusion? If you post the same ad every hour, your success is guaranteed.
4. Always be positive. Alternate the ads with pictures of amazing houses & cars. Don’t forget to mention every time that if your friends learn from you, they’ll get the same amazing life. Easy, no hassles, all they have to do is to buy from your links. Once they buy, their future … bla bla … add nice things ;-)
5. Tell your friends how much money you’ve just earned during the last few days. Add at least one or two zeros to the actual figures. It will be more impressive and you know very well that reality doesn’t matter. Show them what they’d like to see ;-) After all, everyone knows that the Internet is very much different than the real world. Here you can make money while sleeping, with no previous experience and so on, you know the magic sayings.
6. If you notice that the clicks slow down, post a nice quote. But don’t mention the author, you have to impress your audience, don’t you?
Or even better, post a simple “You’re amazing!” Well, you know very well that it’s a lie. Most of your friends are not amazing, some of them maybe are really stupid (the more the better!), but it doesn’t matter. Tell them the lies they want to hear and you’ll be pleasantly surprised seeing how many likes “You’re amazing” gets. Cheering them up is getting them into buyer’s mood ;-)
7. Set up as many Facebook Pages as you can. Don’t worry, you don’t need to post too much on them, so you won’t waste a lot of time. Post one or two ads and that’s it. Then invite everyone to like your Page. They’ll like it even if there’s no content there. “Content is king” is an old BS saying. What matters is that it is YOUR page.
8. Post ads on other people’s Facebook Pages. Every Facebook Page admin looks for interaction and things like that. So they won’t mind if you post ads. Posting ads is interaction after all, so … no reason for them to be unhappy. It’s a win-win case.
9. Everyone on Facebook likes to get Likes, shares and comments. As previously mentioned, there’s no point in liking or sharing other people’s posts. But if you comment on someone else’s post, you have to get something in exchange, right? So… after your 2-3 words comment or LOL… add a link. That’s a fair exchange.
10. Join as many Facebook Groups as you can. Join the groups where you don’t see ads posted on their timelines. This is where the stupid people hang on. Of course they must be stupid for not posting ads and not trying to make money the easy way. But that’s not your problem.
11. Setup your own Facebook Groups. The more the better. Don’t be shy, don’t invite your friends to join them. They may miss your invitation and they’ll regret it for sure. Simply add them to your group without asking for their approval. You don’t need it. Facebook will let you do it, so … it’s legit.
A few of your friends may not like this technique. I used not to like it too. But not anymore. I got a powerful explanation from one of my Facebook ex-friends, an experienced marketer. I quoted it below so you can use it too:
12. Set up as many Events as you can. Well, not real events. A few words and your affiliate link are enough. Then invite your friends to your events. I didn’t know that such simple technique works until I sent an angry message to an experienced marketer who uses it. He kindly revealed the truth: Facebook is full of morons and this technique works great, he makes a lot of money. After all, nothing else matter… It’s all about money, isn’t it?
Now that you got those secret tips, go and apply them. And if something very unexpected happens and they don’t work, switch to email marketing, harvest as many email addresses as you can and start spamming. There’s no big difference. And the potential to make money at any price is even bigger. If that’s all that matters…
To Your Success!
P.S. And now be so kind and click also some of my affiliate links. I have to make some money too, don’t I? Click them, damn it, what are you waiting for?